A True Masochist
by Lulu-Beth
Summary: Alice and Jasper have been best friends since she was nine. Alice has been in love with him as long. He moves away for awhile and when he comes back he is a completly different person. Will he ever love her back? Jasper/Maria, Jasper/Alice, Alice/Jacob
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: A True Masochist **

**Okay I want to point out this isn't a BDSM story. Also that this isn't completely a work of fiction. I know that if you read all my other stories I said I would finish the others first but this story has been on my mind a lot. Mostly because I'm dealing with what Alice goes through in this. Basically I'm Alice, Jasper is the guy I'm in love with (I'm sure my good friends will know who that is) Lexie is Bella, Kanzas is Rosalie, Edward is well he is kind of Kakashi from Naruto because my dear friend Lexie is in love with him and Emmett is sort of Channing Tatum. Maybe this is going to suck. I don't really know but I work my feelings out through writing and right now…I have a lot to work out. And of course I forgot one of the most important people; Julie is Angela. Yea in the original series Angela wasn't important. She is in this. And yea my dear friend Julie Ben (who is Angela's boyfriend) is going to be based off of Battler. A few of my other friends are keeping their names. Just not last names. This isn't a guaranteed Happy Ending. In fact I doubt there will be one. But if the guy-you may even know who you are-ever reads this…I love you from the bottom of my heart. Watching you with **_**her**_** isn't going to change that. I'll be waiting until you see me as more than your sister. **

**Also to all my readers I want to make sure that you know I am not homophobic and I am not the kind of person to talk about people behind their back. I do it to their face. Anything I say about "Maria" in this story is well…it is my true opinion. I hate the bitch she is based off of.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own; Twilight, Death Note, Naruto or Umineko or anything else. I own the plot and a few original characters. Thanks.**

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I bit my lip and looked through the pictures. Jasper and Maria hugging, kissing, looking lovingly into each other's eyes.

_You okay?_ I got in a text from Bella.

_Yea. Why? _I sent back.

_I know how it is. You're looking at their pictures again._ Bella knew me too well. It was inevitable that she would. We were like twins, we both hated mustard and were in love with Anime characters. Well just don't tell her boyfriend Edward. He might not be so happy.

_I've told you before. I'm a complete masochist. I can't help it. _I sent back and sighed closing the lid to my laptop.

My dad dropped me off at school and I made my way to the Gym were Bella sat waiting listening to The Yaoi Song-yet again.

"You know," I said sitting my stuff on the bleachers behind me. "I don't know how Edward stands you saying Quinton Flynn is hot all the time. Shouldn't he be jealous knowing that if any of these guys showed up you'd be gone in a heartbeat?"

Bella snorted. "Yea," she said sarcastically. "right."

I stuck my tongue out at her. "I should go to the cafeteria and tell your momma to smack you for that." Bella's mom worked in the cafeteria but it was cool. The entire "group" loved her and it was nice to be able to see her everyday.

"She wouldn't do it." she sang.

I rolled my eyes and sent a text to Jasper. _Hey. I have deer jerky. Meet me in the Gym._

It took about three seconds for a reply. _Ah yes! I love you!_

My heart skipped a beat but I rolled my eyes even though he couldn't see me. _No you love my dad's kick ass jerky making skills. You just love that I'm nice and bring you some even though he'd kill me if he knew._

_Well yea, maybe._ he replied.

I grinned.

"Uh oh," Bella said rolling her eyes. "let me guess…Jasper gets jerky?"

I smiled and nodded as Lauren walked in.

"Hey." Lauren said sweetly. Even though in all actuality she was a cold hearted bitch. And bi-sexual. Don't get me wrong. I am in no way a homophobe but I prefer not to see girls kiss. Or guys for that matter. It wasn't Lauren's sexuality that made most of us not like her. It was simply the fact that we didn't know whether to believe anything she said or not.

"Hi." I replied shortly.

Soon Dezeray got there carrying her Death Note bag. "Hey." Dezeray was a pretty girl. She has short brown hair and she wore glasses.

I smiled. "Hey."

Emily M. got there around the same time and her boyfriend Chris not long after. I longed for what they had with Jasper but I didn't dare speak of it.

Rosalie got there soon after and her boyfriend Emmett trailed behind her.

"Hey!" Rose exclaimed and hugged me.

"Hey skank." I grinned.

Emmett smack my arm warningly. "Hey little sister."

I grimaced. "Emmett you know what? You and Rose are perfect together," I watched him grin happily at her. "because you're both skanks."

They glared and I laughed. Don't get me wrong. I love Rose and Emmett. They're like family. It was just fun to tease them.

I looked up automatically and saw Jasper walk in. Our eyes met and he walked over as I dug around in my purse for the jerky.

I stood up and handed it over to him. "Enjoy."

Jasper pulled me into his arms and hugged me tight. "Thank you."

I smacked his arm as he pulled away. "I can't believe I only get hugs for jerky. Too bad I can't kill deer myself or I'd bring you some all the time."

He raised an eyebrow. "Do that and you might get kisses."

I blushed and smacked him again. "Get going. Maria is going to kill you if she sees you around me."

He grinned and walked away.

I turned around to see the looks on all my friends faces and frowned. "You guys," I whined. "you know it'll only happen in my dreams. Don't do those faces which clearly say that you think it will happen."

They looked away and frowned.

Bella's boyfriend Edward got there and scooped her into his arms. "I love you." he told her.

Bella smiled and kissed him. "I love you too."

I looked away. They were just too…perfect. It reminded me of what I'd never have with Jasper.

Bella touched my shoulder once he sat her down. "You'll find someone. I promise. They'll make you forget all about Jasper."

I faked a smile. "Yea. When I'm eighty."

She rolled her eyes. "Sooner than that."

I rolled my eyes back. "I'll never have what you have with Edward."

"No," she agreed. "you'll have something better."

"Hey," Edward feigned hurt. "I thought what we have is special."

She smacked his arm. "Shut up. Alice may have something even more special. I mean all I had to do to get you is smile. I bet all she has to do is look at her guy."

"Most likely," he agreed. "if you hadn't smiled and said yes then I would have went for her."

I blushed. "Edward you're so stupid."

I saw Bella mouth a "Thanks." to him and him nod.

"You know," I told her. "you're the best friend anyone could ask for."

She grinned. "Thank you."

The bell rang then and we all hurried to our lockers. Well except me. I had my stuff for my first three periods with me.

"Locker bullies." Jared commented since the entire "group" was hanging around Bella's locker.

I stuck my tongue out at him. "Maybe you should get here before we do."

Emily R had gotten there and looked sleepy. As usual.

When the bell rang we all headed off to class.

Somehow I managed to have a class with Jasper this year. Forks was a weird school. I had classes with every grade. I was halfway a Sophomore and halfway a Junior. I liked to think it was because I'm special. My friends always pointed out that I shouldn't have went to Christian school my Freshman year and it wouldn't have been that way. Jasper was a senior this year which mean that I wouldn't see him every day next year. Maybe next year would be better.

"Hey," Jasper said holding up his bag of jerky. "thanks again."

I smiled at him. "You're welcome."

Maria walked in and sat down on his lap and kissed him. "Eww who gave you that?" she yanked the bag of jerky from his hands.

"Alice did." Jasper said sheepishly.

She glared at me but spoke to him. "Your mouth tastes too spicy when you eat this shit."

Jasper snatched it back. "Well don't kiss me then. I'll drink some water later."

I looked away and got my book out of my purse and read until class started.

"Did you hear Maria is pregnant?" I heard the whispers after I left the class and wondered why Jasper didn't tell me.

"Yea," someone else said. "Jasper is freaking out."

"I heard he didn't know if it was his." the first voice said.

A few periods later it was time for lunch. I got in line with Bella and Edward and Renee smiled at us.

"Are you all being good?" she asked once all our numbers were typed.

"Yep," I smiled. "Bella and Edward may or may not have been seen making out in the stairwell a few minutes ago though."

Bella glared daggers at me but Renee laughed at her and sent us on our way.

"Hey," Jasper said sitting down beside me for a minute before he went to the ROTC room. "I'm sorry about Maria. She's dumb."

I looked down at my tray, anywhere but his eyes. "It's fine. I'm fine. _Everything_ is fine."

"Alright." he said and left the cafeteria.

A single tear rolled down my cheek and Bella caught it. "He isn't worth it."

I sighed. "I know."

When we were waiting to walk across the field to Forks Middle School for Choir, Angela caught up with us practically buzzing energy.

"Mar Mar!" Angela cried hugging Bella.

Bella flinched at the contact but laughed. "Hey Beatrice."

Angela's boyfriend Ben was in Band and stood behind her. "Angie, honey, calm down."

She stuck her tongue out at him.

"I can think of places I want that tongue." Ben added.

"You know," I said. "I really do not want to know about what goes through your mind."

"Well can I squeeze your tits?" he asked. **(A/N: Mind you I've only seen the first episode of Umineko. Don't kill me if this is OC)**

"No." I growled and hid behind Bella and Edward.

"Ben," Angela reprimanded. "you know that you scare the crap out of Alice. Cool it."

Bella patted my shoulder comfortingly. "Come on scared-y cat. It's time to go."

I followed behind them and stayed as far away from Ben as possible. Ever since he moved here the year before he'd scared me. Angela instantly liked him and started calling him Battler. My friends had a thing for Anime and Manga and whatever Umineko was.

"Alice I promise I'll calm down." Ben said since I was hiding beside Edward. He was the tallest so it worked.

I sighed and started walking backwards in front of them. "I swear if Jasper and Maria don't stop making out in front of me."

Bella sighed. "Soon you'll forget all about Jasper."

*~*~*~*~*~*

The next day it was all over school that Jasper and Maria broke up. By fifth period, however, they were back together. It happened at least once every two weeks and when I ran into him in the hall he told me they were together again.

"Jasper I already knew that. I knew the second I heard that it wouldn't last. Why don't you just stay with her? If you think it teaches her a lesson you're dead wrong because she _knows_ it won't last. That you'll be back almost as soon as it is over."

He grabbed my wrist as I started to walk away. "What's wrong with you, Alice?"

I yanked my wrist free. "You are."

The day passed quickly and Maria glared at me all day. When we were waiting in the pick-up line she shoved me.

"Who the fuck do you think you are talking to my Jazzy the way you did?" Maria growled.

I stepped back. "I use to be his friend. Don't touch me you AID infested whore. I don't know why Jasper fucks you. He probably has more diseases from you than I can count."

Jasper chose that moment to walk outside and stood between us. "You two stop it."

I slapped him. "Don't worry, Jasper. You and your whore of a girlfriend be happy, alright? You can't even see how I feel about you. I've loved you for seven fucking years and you can't see it! I love you! I really do. I put up with all this shit and watch you with her and you can't see it! I'm done. I don't want to talk to you ever again. Goodbye." I said and stormed off to my dad's truck.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

A month had passed. Jasper wouldn't even look at me and Maria was always glaring at me. They were more touchy-feely in first period now and they made sure I could see. I ended up walking to Ashley's house because even though she graduated the year before we were still friends and I knew she could help me.

I knocked on her door and Ashley opened it. She still wore her L necklace and she was just…Ashley. She was far from ordinary. In a good way. She was unique and I think that is what everybody loved about her.

"What's wrong?" she asked stepping onto the porch. It was warm outside so we sat down on the steps.

"Jasper," I muttered. "him and Maria."

"What happened?" she asked.

So I told her everything. I knew Bella would have listened to me rant but I just couldn't burden her with it again. And Ashley was closer to my house.

"I think," Ashley said when I finished. "that you deserve better."

"Thanks," I sighed. "but everybody says that. I don't think any of you know just how much I love him."

"It's obvious," she replied. "but if he even had the opportunity to get Maria pregnant…did anything to get her that way I mean, then he isn't worth it. You shouldn't be the hundredth girl in his bed. You should be the first."

I smiled. "Thank you Ashy. So much. You're right."

She grinned. "You're welcome."

"So," I said hyper again for the first time in a long time. "want to go to my house and watch Death Note? I have all kinds of junk to eat."

So we ended up having a Death Note marathon after kicking my dad out of the house. Then on Ashley's request we watch _The Incredibles_ when I didn't have anymore of the episodes with me. Sure Ashley was in college and everything but she was Ashley and it didn't matter.

*~*~*~*~*~*

A few days after I talked to Ashley everyone was sitting in the Gym. Angela and Ben we sitting beside me and trying to sort out Angela's mess of a notebook when one of the best looking guys I'd ever saw walked in. He had black hair down to his shoulders and the deepest brown eyes I'd seen other than Bella's. He had super tan skin so I knew he was probably from La Push. He was about 5'11 if not taller. He walked over towards my group and Bella jumped up and hugged him.

"Jacob! What are you doing here?" she exclaimed.

"Dad said that I wasn't get a 'proper' education at The Rez so he enrolled me here." the giant replied grinning.

"This is wonderful," she said and started to introduce him to everybody. Finally she got to me. "And this is my best friend Alice that I told you about."

I looked at him and he looked at me. Our eyes were locked and he smiled at me.

"It's nice to meet you Alice," he grabbed my hand and kissed it. "Bella has told me all about her favorite pixie."

I blushed and giggled. "She's told me a lot about you too, Jacob. I hear you work on cars?"

He blushed which was hard to tell under his russet skin. "Yea a little. I'm not very good."

"Not good," I questioned my brow furrowing. "Bella said you could own your own body shop and everyone would go to you."

"He's modest." I barley heard Bella say.

"So Alice," Jacob said and I noticed he still had my hand. "I know we just met and all but would you maybe…go out with me Friday?"

I could tell my face lit up. "Sure! I mean I know Cosmo and everything says not to seem desperate but…"

Bella's hand smacked over my mouth effectively cutting me off. "She's trying to say she'd love to," she leaned up and whispered loudly to him. "thank you, Jacob. This is the first time I've seen her happy in a long time."

"You whisper too loud." I mumbled trying to get her to let me loose so it sounded like a bunch of bees.

She dropped her hand. "By the way, Alice, I'm the one dragging you shopping this time."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

**Yes I am evil. No don't hurt me I'll work on the next chapter as soon as this one is Beta'd. My best friend Lexie-also known as on here is my Beta. I LOVE YOU BEST FRIEND! :D Be patient on this story please. I want it to be good. So just so you know I was Team Switzerland (not that it matters) but right now I'm leaning more on Team Jacob. I feel like him. Only I'm watching the guy I love with his girlfriend. **

**Reviews are Great :D I don't care if they're to tell me I suck. Just please.**


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2: Sometimes Love just isn't enough

**Okay guys I'm really enthusiastic about this story if you couldn't tell. Jacob isn't really based off of anybody. He's just how I wish "Jasper" was. By the way I have never fought with "Maria" in fact, I try to act like we're friends. I'd like to think my beta-fish *winks* Lexie. She's on my favorite author's with the penname of check out her stuff. It's mostly Naruto stories but I'm in one of them :D thank you for supporting this story. By the way. In this story Bella is the omniscient not Alice.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing. Simple enough?**

*~*~*~*~*

Bella had dragged me through Belk-which was the only store in town with suitable first date attire-after school the next day. Renee had drove us up there and I ended up with a black dress that reached just below my knees and heels. Friday after school I went straight home and showered. I put on the dress and heels before I got my hair and make-up done. Sure Jacob wouldn't be there for another hour but I wanted to look my best. I sent Bella a picture and she decided that Jacob would be drooling by the end of the night. If not the second he got there. And I wasn't about to tell her she was wrong. Bella was never wrong. When Jacob got there I think I drooled a little. He was wearing a black dress shirt and dark jeans. He had his hair pulled back in a nice little ponytail.

"Wow, Alice," Jacob said standing back to admire me. "you have nice legs."

My dad grunted. "You keep your eyes on my little girls face."

"Dad," I whined. "go to sleep."

Jacob smiled apologetically. "I'm sorry Mr. Brandon. When I see a beautiful girl my mouth and mind don't work together. I can't think straight."

Dad sighed and waved us away.

Jacob helped me into his silver 2009 Malibu and we headed off to Seattle. We chose to eat at Applebee's and I got something with Chicken. Jacob got BBQ ribs and amazingly they weren't all over his face.

"So," Jacob said wiping his hands again. "are you planning to go to college?"

I nodded and smiled. "Yes. It'll only take me a semester though. I'm going into phlebotomy."

"What's that?" he asked his brow furrowing.

"Taking blood," I laughed a little. "don't worry. People don't know what I'm talking about half the time."

"Oh," he grinned. "you're going to be a vampire."

I giggled. "Yes."

"Well I guess I can tell people I went out with a leech," he smiled reaching over and squeezed my hand. "do you want to make this a more than one time thing?"

I smiled up at him. "Sure."

We spent the rest of the time catching up and when we left the restaurant he cupped my face in his hands.

"Alice can I kiss you?" he asked.

My breath caught and I nodded as he leaned down pressing his lips to mine. It felt like there was molten lava running through my veins until he let me loose.

"Did you feel that?" he asked.

I nodded. "Jacob you should know…that was my first kiss."

He beamed. "Mine too. Well other than kissing Bella's cheek when we were kids."

I giggled. "So I guess this means if this goes very far I'll be your first everything?"

He smiled and nodded putting his arms around my waist. "Yep."

_I know I can believe him, _I thought. _Bella wouldn't have let me go through with this if I couldn't trust him._

"Ali," he asked. "you awake?"

I smiled up at him. "Sorry. Thinking."

"What are you thinking about?" he asked.

"That I can trust you," I leaned up and kissed his cheek. "because Bella would have told me to say no if I couldn't. And she's been telling me for months that I would finally get over…" I stopped.

"Get over?" he prompted.

"Jasper." I whispered.

"That prick in our first period who is way too close to his girlfriend?" he asked.

I nodded looking away.

"Oh," he said. "how'd you fall for something like that?"

"I knew the real Jasper," I sighed. "he moved away for a few years and when he came back he was different. Before he left he wore glasses and rope watches. He wore polo shirts and he was just…Jasper. He was what I fell in love with. When he came back he wore completely different clothes and didn't have glasses. He was a total player. And sometimes I can still see the real him."

He pushed my hair behind my ear. "Well you don't have to worry about me," he grinned. "ever since that first day…don't think I'm too forward but you're all I can think about."

"You too." I whispered.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I'd been dating Jacob for about a month now and we walked down the halls holding hands everyday. And as much as I was afraid to admit it even to myself I loved him. I wasn't over Jasper yet but Jacob was all I could think about. Sometimes Jasper would be there in my mind but Jacob…he was the only one I could see myself with. He was everything I needed, wanted.

We were sitting in first period and Jasper was still sitting beside me with Maria in front of him. Jacob sat in front of me and we sat talking.

"So," I said squeezing Jacob's hand. "dinner at my house tonight?"

Jacob beamed and gave me a quick kiss. "You cooking?"

I nodded. "Yea. My dad might help a little."

He smiled. "I'll be there. I need to talk to you anyway."

I shrank back into my seat a little bit. "Good or bad?"

"Depends on what you say." he grinned and kissed my nose.

I was panicking all day. Bella had to calm me down ten times in lunch alone. After school I ran into Jasper.

"Alice." Jasper breathed holding onto my shoulders.

"Jasper I have to meet Jacob. Let me go." I said but I couldn't move.

"I heard him talking earlier to those guys Sam and Paul," he said looking straight in my eyes. "he's going to try to get you in bed tonight."

I shrugged. "He isn't going to try. He doesn't have to try."

"Alice don't throw your life away." he pleaded.

"Oh," I said shoving him back a little. "you're telling _me_ not to throw _my_ life away? Have many girls have you fucked? Before, during and after Maria? I may hate her skanky ass but you should treat her better if you claim to 'love' her."

"Alice you don't know shit." Jasper growled and kissed me.

I might have melted into a puddle of goop but I felt us being ripped apart and Jacob glaring at us both as he did.

"Jacob," I gasped. "I'm sorry. It wasn't me."

Jacob punched Jasper and then turned to me. "I was going to tell you tonight that I love you. But I guess sometimes…Love just isn't enough."

I touched his arm. "Jacob he kissed me. I was going to tell you I love you tonight too…I'm so sorry."

He pulled me into him and hugged me. "I know. Well this wasn't exactly how I wanted to do it but I love you."

I looked up and smiled at him. "I love you too."

We got in his car and I bit my lip.

"What's on your mind, sweetheart?" Jacob asked.

"Jasper said he heard you tell Paul and Sam that you were going to try and get me in bed tonight." I whispered.

"He heard me wrong," he said simply. "I was panicking that you thought that I was going to try and get you in bed. He must have only heard half."

"And if I said you wouldn't have to try very hard is that still what was said?" I asked.

"Yes," he replied. "Alice I don't want to sleep with you right now. Neither of us are ready. We're still in High School for crying out loud. We couldn't handle the consequences."

I squeezed his hand. "Thank you."

He kissed my cheek. "You're welcome."

My phone beeped and I looked at the screen after hitting open. _I did that because I love you._

_Sometimes love just isn't enough_. I sent back and put my phone away.

"It was him," Jacob stated. "wasn't it."

I nodded. "Trying to convince me he kissed me because he loved me."

"What did you say?" he asked gritting his teeth.

"That something love just isn't enough." I whispered.

He relaxed. "Thank you, Alice. I love you."

"I love you too." I kissed his cheek.

*~*~*~*~*

That night after Jacob left I laid on my bed and thought back to when I was nine the first time I met Jasper.

_Flashback:_

_I was nine and over at my Aunt Hailey's house to play with my little cousin Judson. We were outside on the swings when Hailey's neighbors walked outside. The beautiful blond haired boy wearing glasses and his four year old brother. They walked up to Hailey and asked if they could swing with us. _

"_Sure. This is my niece Mary Alice." Hailey said smiling._

"_Hi," the boy my age said sitting on the swing beside me. "I'm Jasper. This is my little brother Andrew."_

"_Hi," I said. "You can just call me Alice. This is my little cousin Judson."_

"_It's nice to meet you. We ride the bus together, don't we?" Jasper asked._

_I nodded. "I ride to my Granny's."_

"_You can sit with me tomorrow." he told me._

_And so we became best friends. When he told me he was moving I was heartbroken._

"_Don't leave Jasper! You're my only friend." I sobbed. _

"_Alice I'm sorry. I have to go." Jasper said and hugged me._

"_I have until the last day of school to see you right?" I asked._

_He nodded. "Yep."_

_I kissed his cheek. "Maybe someday you'll come back and we can be friends again."_

_We spent one day together before he moved in his room and I watched him play video games. His mom gave me a picture of him so I could remember and we said goodbye._

_End Flashback._

I sobbed myself to sleep that night and had dreams of Jasper and I together. It wasn't normal and I wished I hadn't dreamed at all.

"Alice I love you." Dream Jasper told Dream Me.

"I love you too, Jasper. I always have since the day we met." Dream Me said.

And I woke up.

_Bella. Help me._ I sent.

_What's wrong? _Was Bella's immediate response.

_I dreamed about Jasper. He kissed me yesterday. _I replied.

My phone rang and we talked about it.

"I think that your unconscious self dreamed that because she thinks that you don't deserve Jacob and you should only have Jasper." she told me after my blabbering for an hour.

"But I love them both." I whined.

"Well think," she told me. "if you're with Jacob you're not sleeping with everyone he's slept with. You're sleeping with him and vise versa. If you slept with Jasper you're sleeping with all those girls."

I shuddered. "Thank you."

"Welcome." I heard the grin in her voice.

"And what about you and Edward?" I asked.

"Well we're both waiting until our wedding night." she replied.

"Well we both know Rose and Emmett are like rabbits."

She laughed. "Yes. I'm surprised there isn't any little Emmett or Roses running around."

"So am I," I sighed. "They'd be hard to keep up with. Even for me the little hyper pixie."

"Just follow your heart." she told me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

The next year it was almost time for Graduation. I hadn't seen Jasper except maybe once since he graduated. Me and all my friends were going to Prom with our boyfriends.

I was wearing a light yellow dress and heels. Which matched the vest and tie of Jacob's tux. Or well it matched the vest because he refused to wear a bow tie.

Bella was wearing a orange dress and heels that did match both Edward's vest and tie.

Rose was wearing a red tube top dress and heels and Emmett's tie and vest also matched.

Needless to say us girls had picked out the tuxes.

"Mom I think there is enough pictures!" Bella groaned after the _tenth _group picture.

"One of just the girls." Renee insisted.

We sighed and all of us including the two Emily's and Dezeray got in. We did a serious one and then a bunch of silly ones before finally we went inside.

"Jacob," I shouted over the music. "it's way too hot in here."

Jacob took my hand and we went outside to the gazebo and sat on the steps. "This better?"

I nodded as we heard giggling on the other side and looked around.

Jasper and Maria were making out behind us.

"Jacob, baby," I said loud enough for the two behind us to hear. "let's go somewhere. My dad thinks we'll be here until late. We can do whatever we want."

"Alice," he sighed leaning down to kiss my neck. "I love you. Are you sure?"

"Yes," I replied. "Very sure."

We went inside and I told my friends we were leaving and we left. Jacob's dad was on an overnight fishing trip with Bella's dad so we had the house to ourselves.

"Jacob," I whispered as we walked into the house. "do you have condoms?"

He nodded. "Dad bought them a week ago. He said that he didn't think we would do anything but he didn't want to be a grandpa right now."

I leaned up and kissed him. "Let's go to your room."

He picked me up and carried me down the hall and sat me on his bed. "I love you."

I took his hand and squeezed. "I love you too."

He reached over and got a condom packet out of his drawer. "Alice we do have a little problem…"

"What?" I asked.

"I don't know how to do this." he sighed blushing.

I pulled him onto the bed. "It's easy."

He smiled a little. "What do you want me to do?"

I got his shirt off. "Take off your pants."

He stood up and pulled them off and I stood up and he unzipped my dress.

I slipped the straps off my shoulders and it fell to a puddle at my feet. "Jacob lay down."

He laid down and I sat on his legs and pulled his boxers down and touched his dick experimentally and he groaned and I watched him harden under my touch.

"Good groan?" I asked shyly.

"Good groan." he confirmed.

I leaned down putting my mouth around the head licking the pre-come gathered there and slid my mouth down his shaft.

His hips bucked and I looked up to see pure bliss on his face.

I pulled back after a few minutes. "I think we're ready."

"What about you?" he asked pulling me to lay down on the bed.

I smiled. "Seeing you in that tux was enough."

He lifted my back a little and unhooked my bra letting it fall and put it in the floor before putting the condom on.

I shimmied out of my underwear and smiled at him. "It's now or never," I saw the look he gave me. "I meant…wrong expression."

He pushed my knees apart and place himself between them suddenly confident. "I love you." he said before he pushed inside.

I cried out from the sheer pain. "Don't move Jacob."

"Did I do something wrong?" he asked panicked.

I shook my head. "It's fine. Go ahead."

He leaned down and captured my lips as he began thrusting himself inside me over and over again.

"I love you." I breathed into his neck at some point.

"I love you too." he said back taking my nipple into his mouth.

I lifted my hips and he slid inside deeper than I thought possible.

"Alice I'm gonna…" Jacob panted.

"Go ahead, Jacob." I said clenching around him.

Once he pulled out he held be close to his side and ran his fingers through my short hair.

"Alice it was amazing." he breathed kissing my hair.

"I know," I whispered leaning up and kissed him. "so amazing."

*~*~*~*~*

A few weeks later was graduation. Jacob and I went up at almost the same time and once everyone went through we threw the hats or whatever they're called in the air.

"Marry me, Alice." Jacob said as they started falling back to the ground.

I looked up at him and he held out the ring box. I gasped. "Yes."

He slid it onto my finger and I squealed jumping up and kissing him. "I love you."

"I love you too." I beamed.

"What's going on?" Bella asked beside me.

I turned and held out my left hand. "He proposed!"

She squealed and hugged me. Edward had popped the question at Prom so I didn't think she'd say anything. "We're still going to be roomies right?"

I nodded. "Yes," I turned to Jacob. "I want to wait awhile, okay?"

He smiled and nodded. "A few years?"

I nodded and jumped up kissing him again.

"Congratulations." I heard Jasper's voice close by.

I turned to see him standing with his arms around Maria. Who was, by the way, four months pregnant. "Thanks. Congrats on the baby."

"Thanks." he replied squeezing her.

"If it is your's," I added and turned back to Jacob. "so let's celebrate you all!"

"Party at Edward's." Bella shouted smiling.

We headed up to Edward's where the entire senior class was waiting. Jasper was there with Maria and we stayed as far away as possible. Eventually though Jacob went to the bathroom and Jasper caught my arm as I tried to walk away.

"A year ago you said you love me. Was it true?" Jasper asked.

"_Was _being the key word." I lied.

"And yet you still went out with that giant douche bag." he shook his head.

"Jacob is _not_ a douche bag. You on the other hand are. Ashley helped me realize not long after I told you that I deserve to be the first girl in a guy's bed. Not the hundredth." I replied and walked away.

*~*~*~*~*~*

**Yes people I am Team Jacob a little. I love Jasper to death but for him to be like the guy I love he has to be a little bit of a douche wad. And if anyone from my Myspace page sees this story they'll probably know who Jasper is based off of. Oh well. By the way; if you read or watch Death Note, I am beyond upset that L dies. If I ruined it…sorry. Again Thanks to my Beta-fish . Love you bestest friend in the whole world :D**

**Reviews keep me sane :D **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3: PMSing?**

**Okay so I'm once again going to thank my Beta-fish, Lexie. Not just for editing this chapter but for being there for me even when I am the stupidest person ever. (That is probably really bad grammar but whatever). I tried to make a stupid move on "Jasper" and it didn't work but I'm still stupid. BTW some descriptions of Twilight characters may be changed a little.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except my own stupidity.**

The first semester of college was rough. Jacob was away at some sort of mechanic's school in Portland while I was renting an apartment in Seattle with Bella while we attended UW. Edward was doing Pre-Med there so he was around a lot.

"Alice," Bella said walking in the kitchen scowling. "I saw Jasper and Maria today. She had the baby."

"Oh," I asked stirring the spaghetti. "boy or girl?"

"That isn't important," she said standing beside of me. "it has red hair and brown eyes. It looks nothing like Jasper."

I dropped the spoon onto the stove, splattering us with sauce. "Mike Newton."

She nodded. "Exactly. We knew it probably wasn't Jasper's. We were right."

I shook my head and cleaned up the mess a little. "That stupid bitch. How does she get Jasper and then cheat on him?"

"Calm down," she said patting my shoulder. "She'll get it."

I sighed and checked the garlic bread. "I told you Jacob is driving up, right?"

"Yep," she smacked my butt. "have fun."

I gaped at her. "What was that about?"

"Umm," she shrugged. "Butt tag?"

I laughed. "Are we back in tenth grade?"

"No," she laughed too and got a water from the fridge. "have fun with your fiancé."

"I will," I smirked. "you're staying the night with Edward right?"

"Duh," she smirked. "I don't want to hear you and Jacob."

"Are you and Edward still waiting?" I asked seriously ignoring what she said. Who knew if there would be a me and Jacob after tonight.

"No," she gave me a look. "I'm eight months pregnant. He dumped me. I'm screwed."

I smiled and punched her shoulder. "Really?"

She grabbed an apple. "No."

"Darn," I grinned and turned off the stove and sat everything away from the burner and got out the bread. "I want to be an Auntie."

"You'll be waiting awhile," she said heading into her room. "Edward is finishing Med School first."

"'Kay!" I called as her door closed.

There was a knock on the door and I ran to get it.

Jacob smiled and lifted me into his arms. "Hey Pixie."

I kissed him hard and he stumbled. "As soon as I'm finished," I panted between kisses. "with college. We're never going to be apart again, please?"

"Whatever you want, Alice." he breathed and kissed my neck.

I jumped down. "Let's eat dinner then…well we can eat something else."

He laughed and followed me into the kitchen where everything was waiting. "This looks great, baby."

I smiled as he pulled out my chair but shook my head. "Hold on." I grabbed the food and piled food on his plate-because My Jacob ate a lot-before I put a smaller portion on my plate.

Jacob took my hand and pulled out my chair for me. "Sit, lovely, I'll put it on the counter."

I smiled and sat down.

He sat the food on the counter and sat down across from me. "You look beautiful."

I smiled. I had bought my dress just for tonight, it was a black corset tube top dress and my hair was curled down past my shoulders and I had a black ribbon as a headband. "Thank you. You look handsome."

He smiled and his eyes crinkled around the corners. "I'm glad that you think so."

"Eat." I told him.

He twisted his fork and tried it.

"Is it good?" I asked quietly.

He tried to hide his grimace. "It's great."

I took a bite and spit it in my napkin. "I love that you try not to hurt my feelings but this is horrible."

He sighed. "Yea it is."

"Garlic bread?" I asked taking a bite and sighed.

He took a bite and smiled a little. "It's good."

I rolled my eyes. "Admit it. I can't cook spaghetti."

He laughed. "This is horrible, Ali. I'm sorry."

I got up and sat on his lap. "I know." I laughed along with him.

"That horrible?" Bella asked walking in the kitchen as she put her shoes on. She was wearing a orange dress and ballet flats.

"Yep." we laughed together.

"Well you're welcome to join Edward and I at the pier. We made reservations for a booth in the back." she smiled.

"Are you sure that Edward will be okay with that?" Jacob asked.

She rolled her eyes. "I told him Alice was cooking. He said to invite you."

"Hey!" I protested.

She sighed. "You can cook minute steak and instant potatoes. Sometimes beef and gravy but that's about it."

I pouted. "You're always too busy to help me learn."

She patted my shoulder. "I don't think even that would help."

Jacob laughed and squeezed me. "She's right."

I huffed. "Not true."

There was a knock on the door saving Bella from my wrath. She came back with Edward who smirked.

"Bad cook, Jacob?" Edward asked.

I glared at him. "You know, Edward, I liked you when you finally got Bella away from that no good jerk James and when you boosted the battery on my car so I wasn't stuck in Forks last month. I can cook you dill hole. I just messed up on the noodles."

Jacob squeezed my waist. "Calm down, Ali. They're just teasing."

I pouted. "But Jakey. It hurts my feelings."

He stroked his finger down my cheek. "It'll be okay, Ali cat."

"PMS." Bella fake coughed.

I glared at her. "Can I talk to you a minute?"

She sighed and nodded.

I led her to my room and closed the door. "It can't be PMS."

Bella gasped. "You mean…?"

I closed my eyes and nodded. "Yea. I was planning to butter Jacob up with food before I told him. The blood test came back this morning."

"Are you keeping it?" she asked gently.

I opened my eyes and nodded. "Yea. I know this is soon and that I'm really young but…everything happens for a reason."

She hugged me. "Well I can move in with Edward after it is born, if you want?"

I shook my head. "No. I'll be moving to Jacob's."

She sighed. "Well let's go. They're going to think that if they walk in they'll get some lesbian action."

I snorted and opened the door. "They wish."

"We wish what?" Edward asked when we walked back in the kitchen.

"For lesbian action." I smiled a little and sat on Jacob's lap.

"Would we have got it?" Jacob asked faking excitement.

I smacked his chest. "Dill weed."

"So you all going to eat with us?" Edward asked.

"Sure." Jacob and I chimed together and Bella gave me a look.

"I'll tell him later." I mouthed.

*~*~*~*~*~*

When we got home Jacob and I went to my room and I sat staring into space.

"Ali, baby, what's going on?" Jacob asked pulling me onto his lap.

I took a deep breath. "Jacob I love you. I always will but…"

"You're breaking up with me?" his voice broke and tears welled up in his eyes.

"No," I exclaimed. "you might break up with me."

"What is it, Ali cat?" he asked rubbing a soothing hand down my arm.

"Jacob…umm," I bit my lip. "how do you feel about…being a father?"

"Alice are you asking me to get you pregnant?" he asked incredulously.

I shook my head. "Jacob…I am pregnant."

He stared at me. "No."

"Jacob I'm sorry." I whispered.

He shook his head. "I thought we were careful."

Tears started falling down my cheeks. "We were. I'm sorry."

He held me tight. "Alice it's okay. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere. I just wish that this hadn't happened yet. I love you. I love our baby."

I put my head on his chest. "You're not going to hate me?"

"I hate myself. I love you." he replied rubbing circles on my belly with his thumb.

I leaned up and kissed him. "I love you."

JASPER'S POINT OF VIEW:

Emma was crying in Maria's arms and I just chugged my beer.

"Can't you help me with the damn baby?" Maria shrieked at me after my fifth beer.

"I'm drunk," I slurred. "I don't think she needs to be taken care of by me like this."

"Then stop drinking!" she yelled and slapped me, almost letting Emma fall.

"You idiot," I yelled grabbing Emma before she could fall. "you're going to kill her."

She stormed toward the door after grabbing her purse. "She isn't your's but have fun!" and she left.

"Oh God." I sighed and sat Emma-still screaming-in her bassinet and dialed a number I hadn't called or texted in almost two years.

"_Hello?" _Alice choked out.

"Alice," I said hurriedly. "I'm sorry to bother you. Really I am. But Maria just left me. She told me Emma isn't mine but she left her here and I'm drunk. I know it isn't your responsibility but can you please come over here? You can bring your boyfriend if you have to but I don't want to hurt Emma and…I'm messed up."

"_Jasper," _Alice sighed. _"Why are you drunk with a baby in the house, anyway?"_

"They were at Maria's mom's and came home after my third." I said hastily.

She sighed. _"Where do you live?"_

I told her how to get here and she said she'd be here soon.

Thirty minutes later there was a knock on my door and I opened it. Alice walked in with Jacob Black behind him holding onto her shoulder.

"Oh God." Alice said and picked up Emma who still hadn't stopped screaming even after I tried to feed her.

"Thank you," I slurred. "I didn't drink more but I didn't want to hurt her."

Alice sighed and bounced Emma a little on her hip. "You should try and sleep it off."

I nodded and kissed Emma's forehead. "Be good for Alice. She's that nice lady I told you was coming."

ALICE'S POINT OF VIEW:

Jasper had walked-correction swayed-through the crummy apartment to what I guessed was his bedroom. Emma-or I guess that was her name since Jasper called her that-was starting to settle down.

"Hi sweetie," I cooed at her as I heated up a bottle. "I'm Alice. I know your…Jasper told you that but he's slurring."

"I can't believe we're doing this." Jacob growled sitting down on the sofa which was littered with beer bottles.

"I can't believe they have a baby in this environment. Jasper may be a arsehole but I'd think he would do better for his kid." I said checking the milk before popping the bottle in the baby's mouth.

"Why did you agree?" he asked.

I sighed. "Because whether or not Jasper has hurt me…Emma needs to be safe and Jasper was responsible by calling to see if I could do this."

"Alice we didn't even finish talking about the pregnancy." Jacob hissed.

I sighed. "I know that. We will tomorrow, okay?"

He huffed as he leaned back in the couch.

I sat down in one of the chairs and fed Emma before I could smell a rather pungent odor coming from her diaper. "I gotta find diapers." I sighed, burping her and walked down the hall. I went in a room with a crib and changing table and stopped dead in my tracks.

It was the cleanest room in the house and most beautiful. The furniture was white and the bedding was light yellows and pinks. There were beautiful dolls on shelves and a few in the crib sitting around the footboard part so Emma could see them but not smoother. Everything on the changing table was organized and I sat her down and changed her.

"Someone loves you a lot, Emma." I whispered putting her new diaper on her and fastening it. Some of her poop had gotten on her sleeper so I hunted down another one and put that one in the little white hamper sitting beside the closet.

I gasped at all the clothes sitting on shelves in the closet and just got a simple pink sleeper and a little hat since it was cold.

Once Emma was dressed I went back in the living area and sat down beside Jacob.

"Why'd you change her clothes?" he asked as I rocked her.

"Her diaper leaked a little. Jacob, Maria must be a good mom. Emma's room is beautiful." I whispered as the tiny baby fell asleep.

"Really?" he asked.

I nodded and stood up slowly so I wouldn't wake the baby. "I'm gonna put her to bed. I think we should stay though."

"Whatever." he sighed.

I put Emma in the crib and ended up falling asleep in the rocking chair as I watched her to make sure she was okay.

JASPER'S POINT OF VIEW:

I woke up to sunlight streaming through the window and walked into Emma's room once I had put on my pajama pants. Alice was asleep in the rocking chair and my little angel was wide awake but contently looking up at the mobile before I stood over her bed and she looked at me with what looked like a smile on her face but I wrote it off as gas. No way would that little angel smile to see me.

"Hi," I whispered picking her up. "did you be good for Alice?"

She snuggled closer to me and I smiled taking her out of the little sanctuary I'd made of her room into the mess Maria had created.

Jacob was asleep sitting on the couch and I grimaced. I hated that man. He wasn't good enough for My Alice.

_Idiot_ I thought. _She isn't your's. She's his. You lost all chance with her a long time ago._

I sighed and shook my head as I fixed Emma's bottle and fed her.

Alice walked through about ten minutes later. "Sober?"

I nodded and burped Emma. "Thank you, Alice. I could have called mom but she wouldn't have come all the way from Forks."

She sighed. "You're welcome, Jasper. So she isn't your's?"

I grimaced. "Not biologically. But I'm going to get custody. You see this hell I live in? Maria did it. Last night was my first time drinking since Emma was born. She never takes care of Emma and almost dropped her last night because I didn't want to hurt Emma by trying to take care of her drunk so she slapped me and almost dropped Emma."

She gasped. "I knew I should have kicked that bitch's ass."

I laughed a little. "I wouldn't have got Emma if you had."

She sat down in a chair across from me. "What is it like having a kid?"

"Why?" I asked.

"Because, Jasper," Alice said leaning toward me. "I'm pregnant and I don't know if I can handle it."

*~*~*~*~*

**Yes I am cruel. :D I thought I'd show that Jasper isn't just an ass. He is a good dad too. Again thanks to my Beta-fish. Lol. She is uprising on my favorite authors. Well it is something like that put it won't show up when I post so just look for someone on there with uprising in the name. I apparently had no mistakes so…YAY ME! BTW I just turned 16 Tuesday…random, yes. Lol. And btw, Lexie, I am PSMing haha. *winks* long story.**

**Reviews make my day, good or bad. :D **


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4: Misery Business

**Okay so my chapter title could have been "Life is a bitch because if it was a slut it would be easy" but I thought it was too long. Anyway I realized last night after posting that Jacob is based off of someone. Someone who is a lot better for me than "Jasper" so I'm going to try and move on. IF he wants me. I'm always going to love "Jasper" but I can't agonize anymore. BTW this didn't exactly have a plot until Chapter 3...IDEAS lol. Also I know nothing about being a parent so forgive me if what Jasper says it is like isn't your opinion. Thanks.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing except the story line.**

*~*~*~*~*

Alice's Point of View:

Jasper sat across from me staring and I found it very uncomfortable.

"What," I asked. "did you think Jacob was shooting blanks?"

"Alice," he choked out. "you don't look pregnant."

"Well," I said. "that's because I'm only a month or two. I'm guessing two since I hadn't seen Jacob in two months and we had a pretty hot night last time I saw him…"

"Didn't want to know that." Jasper grimaced and sat Emma in a bassinet beside him.

"Well," I replied. "tell me. What is it like having a kid?"

He sighed running his fingers through his blond curls. "Well it's the most amazing, stressful job ever. Some people take it for granted and I hate those people. People who abuse their children should be shot and…I'm rambling. Sorry."

I reached over and squeezed his arm. "It's fine."

He flinched as electricity flowed between us and pulled his arm away. "So are you excited?"

I smiled and my hand automatically went to my stomach. "Yes, actually, I am. I know that's crazy considering Jacob and I aren't getting married for at least two years but…I don't know. It's like when you know you want kids and then you find out you're going to have one…I was only worried about what Jacob would say."

"How did he react?" he asked.

"He was mad at himself," I whispered shooting a glance at my sleeping fiancé. "he said he was going to stay by my side though. So I'm good."

"Alice," Jasper sighed. "I need to tell you something."

"What?" I asked confused.

"I'm sorry. For how I acted when I came back from Texas. I was a jerk, a player…whatever you want to call me. Before I changed all the times we hung out at your Aunt Hailey's were what got me through and then…I don't know. When I came back I forgot a lot of it. I was a jerk to you and everyone. When you told me how you felt about me…I don't know. I know it wasn't the first time but you said it to my face that day and…I don't know. I realized that I was an idiot and that I didn't deserve to have you in my life so I ignored you. Then Black over there shows up and you're a lovesick puppy and I…snapped. When I heard him say something about getting you in bed I told you and you-you just acted like that is what you wanted. You had everything right that day. I didn't treat Maria right but…I'm sorry I kissed you when before that you were so happy."

I smiled a little. "I forgave you already, Jazz."

Jasper's point of view:

Jacob eventually woke up when Emma started screaming and glared at me.

"Sober?" Jacob growled at me.

"Yes," I replied evenly. "thank you for letting Alice help me out last night."

"Alice made me drive her." he replied.

The door open and Maria came in not noticing my guests. "Jasper, baby, I'm sorry. I was just stressed."

"You almost killed Emma." I growled.

"I didn't mean to!" she exclaimed.

"It was the third time this week, Maria. I don't care if Emma isn't mine I'm fighting for custody. I've taken care of her since she was born while you're always snorting crack. I won't let you take her." I said picking Emma up.

"You're not getting her!" she yelled.

Alice stepped up to my side. "Look, Maria, it looks like Jasper takes better care of this kid than you do. You left your daughter with someone who was drunk. Luckily he had enough reasoning left that he called me to take care of her until he sobered up. I'll testify to make sure that this little angel doesn't have to be taken away from him. You're a stupid bitch and if I wasn't a nice person I'd kick your ass."

"Oh so I was right! You're fucking this little pixie behind my back!" Maria yelled at Jasper.

Alice pointed over her shoulder. "My fiancé is behind you. No I'm not doing anything with Jasper. I don't have that kind of feelings for him. I'm here to make sure Emma was taken care of."

"Your not taking my damn baby!" Maria sneered.

"Damn baby," Alice asked slowly. "yea you're a great mom saying shit like that. Good thing I recorded it." Alice held up her tiny cell phone which was recording until she hit a button and it stopped.

"Bitch." Maria sneered.

Jacob grabbed Maria's arm and tugged her to the door which he opened and sat her outside. "Don't talk to Alice like that." and slammed the door.

After Maria finally quit beating on the door Jacob grabbed Alice's hand.

"Let's go." he growled.

Alice yanked out of his grasp and skipped over to hug me. "If you need help with Emma you can call me. Or text. I can't promise I'll come running but I'll help if I can."

I smiled. "Thanks, Alice."

She smiled and kissed Emma's forehead. "Bye sweetie. Sorry that you had to hear me say those nasty words but your mommy has always made me mad and acting like that pushed me over the edge."

*~*~*~*~*

Alice's Point Of View:

I tugged on Jacob's hand as the elevator doors opened. We were finding out the sex of our baby today and I was so excited since last month-when I was five months-the baby kept hiding so we hadn't found out yet.

"Jacob! Come on!" I said opening the door to my doctor's office.

"Hi Alice," Angela said signing me in. She was still going through college so she was working at Dr. Reynolds' office part time to pay rent on her apartment with Ben. "how is Mar Mar?"

"Uhh," I shrugged. "she's always at Edward's."

"Well," she said smiling. "I have a guess of what the sex is."

I plugged my ears. "Nana-nana. I'm not listening!"

She laughed. "I love you Alice."

I smiled. "Love you too Angela."

"Sit down so that my niece slash nephew won't be mad!" she told me waving me away.

I rolled my eyes and sat down on one of the couches. "Yes Beatrice."

She giggled. "I better get a copy of the picture!"

I smiled. "Okay."

About thirty minutes later the nurse came out calling names. "Mary Alice Brandon?"

I stood up and Jacob trudged in behind me. They took us back to the ultrasound room and instructed me to pull up my shirt. After about ten minutes the nurse-Jenny-smiled.

"Would you like to know the sex?"

"Sure." I smiled back.

"Well there is your baby girl." she said smiling.

"Thank you!" I exclaimed.

After we went out Angela trotted over to where they were signing us out.

"Boy or girl?" she demanded grabbing my shoulders.

I laughed. "Don't tell Bella but it's a girl. We're naming her Isabella Grace."

Angela hugged me really tight in thanks since Grace was her middle name. "Thank you!"

I patted her back. "You're welcome. Just keep your mouth shut, okay?"

She nodded quickly and squealed very un-Angela like.

I laughed. "Bye Beatrice."

"Bye Pixie." she called as we walked out.

We went back to the apartment and Bella attacked me.

"Boy or girl?" she demanded.

"What is it with you and Angela," I asked sitting down in the big armchair. "it's a girl. We're naming her Isabella Grace."

Bella beamed at me. "You're naming her after me?"

"And Angela." I added.

"Thank you best friend!" she exclaimed and hugged me.

"And, Bella," I asked. "would you and Edward be her Godparents?"

Her eyes got wide and she nodded. "Yes! I know you hadn't asked yet but I was talking to Edward and we both said if you asked us that we'd say yes."

I smiled. "Thanks Bells. You're the best friend I could have asked for."

*~*~*~*~*

A month later I was grocery shopping with Bella and we'd just loaded our stuff into the car and we were heading onto the highway when a blue car hit us making the airbags pop out and hit me in the stomach.

"Alice are you okay?" Bella asked just as I cried out in pain.

"Contractions." I said and started sobbing before I passed out.

Bella's Point Of View:

"Oh God!" I yelled and tried to wake Alice up but nothing happened.

I managed to get to my phone and hit 911.

"_911 emergency how may I direct your call?"_ a nasally voice asked.

"My car just got hit. I'm fine but my best friend is pregnant and she just passed out. She yelled something about contractions before she passed out. Please help."

"_We'll send someone right there." _she promised and told me to stay on the line.

I looked up at the blue car that hit us and saw Maria in the driver's seat laughing and I saw red.

Alice's Point of View:

I woke up sometime later in a hospital room to find Jacob, Bella, Angela, Ben and Edward all crying beside me.

"Is the baby okay?" I croaked causing the tears to speed up.

"Alice," Bella said sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Maria is the one that hit us. She even told the police it was on purpose. Alice she found out that you were pregnant and did it to kill the baby. She succeeded."

I stared at her before I started to sob, hard. My baby. My baby was gone. "No."

She hugged me. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. If I could do something to make this better…I would but I doubt there is anything to make up for losing that precious angel."

I turned to Jacob who wouldn't look at me. "Jacob."

He shook his head. "I'm gone, Alice. I stayed with you for that baby and now…we aren't having her." and he was gone.

I looked at Bella and started sobbing again as Edward and Ben ran after him. "Call Jasper."

She sighed. "Are you sure?"

I nodded. "Please."

Jasper's Point of View:

I was bathing Emma so we could go see my mom in Forks when my cells rang. I grabbed it and held up her little back as I hit the button.

"Hello?" I asked.

"_Jasper," _Bella Swan's voice said in my ear. _"I know that you're probably busy but Maria hit me and Alice today. We were in a wreck and Alice lost the baby. She wants you here…umm Jacob left her."_

I gasped. "Please tell me this is a sick joke."

"_I wish,"_ she sighed. _"but it isn't. Edward and Ben are in the parking lot kicking the crap out of Jacob but Alice wants you here."_

"I'll be there as soon as I finish bathing Emma." I said and hung up. Forgetting to ask what hospital but that was answered in a text a minute later. I dressed Emma and called my mom letting her know what was going on to which she just said to let Alice know she'd be praying.

I got to Alice's room and walked in.

"Jasper." Alice sobbed.

I handed Emma to Bella and leaned down hugging Alice. "I'm so sorry, Alice. I'm here for you."

She clutched my shirt and sobbed into it. "How could he do that to me?"

I sat on the edge of the bed and held her. "He's stupid, Alice. And I'm sure that he's just upset. I mean he lost his baby girl and I know if something happened to Emma I'd go crazy."

She just sobbed more.

"Shit, Alice, I'm sorry that I can't say the right things. I know nothing any of us can say will help." I rubbed her back trying to sooth her.

"I'm going to kill Maria" she vowed and quit crying to look at me.

"She's in jail. She won't be out for a few years." Angela told her.

"I can wait to kill her." Alice growled.

*~*~*~*~*

**Okay guys I know this one was short but…I couldn't explain the agony Alice is going through. I'm not that great of an author. A reader said that they didn't want Alice to have Jacob's baby. You got your wish but it was already planned to happen. **

**I'd like to say I would never wish losing a baby on anybody. Not even a fictional character. Jacob won't be back. Sorry. If this wasn't an Alice and Jasper story then he couldn't have been gone. **

**Even though I'm the writer and I want Alice to end up with Jasper, Jacob was the better choice. **

**Reviews please?**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5: Goodbye**

**Okay so I have to address something but I'll wait until the end. I'd like to apologize. I lied, Jacob will be back. Sort of. I love Jacob. Get over it. So incase you didn't already guess, Jasper is going to be there to pick up the pieces of Alice's broken heart. Spoiler, much? Okay so on to the chapter :D Btw: I realize that Emma is extremely advanced for being six months old. Sorry but I thought it would be cute. You'll see.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own The Twilight Saga. Well I own copies but not the rights. I also own copies of Vampire Knight 1, 3&4 and Naruto 1-3. They're great. Read them. **

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alice's Point Of View:

They let me out of the hospital a week after the accident and after I asked if I was able to bury my little girl. They said yes so Jasper drove me to a local funeral home and I made arrangements. Well, attempted to, but Jasper ending up doing it for me since I couldn't speak from the sobs. After everything was finished, he drove me home to the apartment. The second I walked in the door I could feel a break down creeping up on me and took the anxiety meds they prescribed to me.

"You gonna be okay?" Jasper asked as he shifted Emma in her big, pink, puffy coat.

I quickly looked away. "I'm okay. You can go on home."

He came over and hugged me. "I'm just a phone call away, alright?"

I nodded and tucked my hair behind my ear. "Thanks Jasper."

Emma whimpered and reached for me.

"Emma, Auntie Alice doesn't feel good." Jasper said seeing the tears threatening to wash over my cheeks.

I shook my head. "I'm fine." I took Emma into my arms and hugged her.

She whimpered and buried her face in my neck.

"What's wrong, Emma?" I asked, tears falling down my face.

She looked at me and reached up wiping away tears. "No."

I smiled a little. "You don't want me to cry?"

She shook her head. "No."

I kissed her forehead. "I won't, Sweetie."

Jasper took her in his arms. "I'll call later, okay?"

I nodded and kissed his cheek. "I'll be fine."

He blushed and left.

I stood looking around the room and started breaking down so I retreated to my room where none of Bella's things were and threw some glass figurine that Jacob got me for our first anniversary together, it shattered in the corner.

"How could you," I yelled. "I never wanted to loose our baby but you blame me," I threw my laptop and it busted as it fell to the ground. "All I've ever done is love you! Yet you tell me that you stayed with me because our baby? I never needed you, I don't need you," I sank to the ground and sobbed. "Don't need you." I repeated again and passed out.

Bella's Point Of View:

"Alice!" I called as I walked through the door of the apartment, once I got out of classes. Jasper had sent a text to let me know that Alice was on the verge of a meltdown but made him leave.

I heard nothing and started to panic as I walked to her room.

I opened the door and screamed. "Alice!"

She moved a little but stayed out.

I crouched down beside her on the floor, among all the broken things including her laptop that Jacob got her last Christmas. "Alice, honey, wake up. It's Bella. You need to wake up."

She opened her eyes. "Bella,"

I smiled a little. "Yea, it looks like you destroyed your room."

She groaned and sat up. "I can't be here. Bella will you help me get some things and find me a place to stay? I feel Jacob and the baby too much here."

I nodded and maneuvered myself around all the debris. "You could ask Jasper."

"He only has the one bed." she mumbled swaying.

I hurried over and helped her sit down on her desk chair. "It's better than nothing. Call him."

She dialed the phone and a few minutes later she sighed. "Jazz, I'm fine. The doctors told me that I probably would break down. I just lost my daughter for crying out loud…no I'm fine. Jazz just…Shut up…Jasper Allan Whitlock I'm fine damn it! I just want to stay somewhere in no way connected to Jacob, okay? Alright. I'll be over soon…no Bella will drive me…yes, Jasper, Emma actually eases the pain. I'm fine."

I shook my head as she hung up on him. "I think he loves you."

Her eyes went wide but she shook her head. "No way in Hades. I'm just his broken little sister. He told me that if he finds anyone he wants them to be a good mom for Emma. I wouldn't be."

I knelt in front of her. "Alice, honey, you were going to be a mom," she flinched. "I know that it hurts and that you feel like you'll never be complete again but if you and Jasper love each other don't let fear of not being a good mom for Emma stop you. You'll be a wonderful mommy."

She looked down and placed her hand on her now flat stomach. "I feel so empty. I was so use to having Gracie kicking me and now…" she started sobbing and fell into my arms as she soaked my shirt with her tears.

"I know, Ali. I'm sure Gracie didn't want to leave you. You are her momma and she loves you. I'm sure she's looking down here right now and hoping you'll be okay. Maria is going to pay for this. She's going down for murder too, honey." I said gently as her phone went off.

She sobered up and answered. "Hello…Billy? Jacob left me a few days ago because I lost the bab-…NO!" she passed out again and I grabbed the phone.

"What's wrong, Billy? It's Bella." I said hastily as I tried to wake Alice.

"_Bella,"_ Billy said sadly. _"Jacob left a note behind…erm there is no easy way to say this but he's gone."_

"What do you mean?" I asked hesitantly.

"_He killed himself, Bells. It says in the note that he's sorry for what he did to Alice but he couldn't handle the loss. That he lost his mother just months ago and now his baby girl. He couldn't do it. He loved Alice but…"_

"I understand," I lied, badly. "Umm I'm going to take care of Alice." I hung up and tried to wake her up.

Alice's Point Of View:

"Alice. Please wake up, Alice. Everything is gonna be okay." Bella was saying as I started to wake up.

My eyelids fluttered. "Please tell me I dreamed it."

She shook her head sadly. "Jacob is gone, Alice. I'm sorry."

"Why?" I sobbed.

"He couldn't handle it. He just lost his mom and now his little girl…he didn't mean to hurt you, Alice. He apparently broke up with you so that he could do this and not hurt you. Backfired."

"Just take me to Jasper."

She drove me to Jasper's house in her truck and he let me in as soon as I got there.

"Alice come here." he held out his arms and I fell into them.

"Jazz." I sobbed into his shirt, ruining it.

He rubbed my back and held me. "I'm here, honey. Don't worry."

"Jacob killed himself." I sobbed.

His hold tightened. "I'm sorry, so sorry."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I had evidentially passed out at some point because I woke up in a large comfy bed that I didn't recognize. There was a picture I never knew about of me and Jasper when we were kids and he had his arm around my shoulders sitting on the bedside table. Another one of me and Jasper and Emma about a month ago. Emma was sitting on my lap giggling as little Grace kicked her hands that were placed on my belly and Jasper was sitting there laughing with her.

"Good morning." Jasper said walking in the room with a tray of breakfast foods.

"Did I pass out?" I mumbled.

"You cried yourself to sleep," he replied sitting the tray beside me. "I carried you in here."

I mumbled unintelligibly even to myself and sighed. "I'm sorry if I'm inconveniencing you."

He reached out and stroked my hair. "It's fine. You're not."

I smiled a little. "So I'll sleep on the couch."

"No sleep here. I'll sleep on the couch or in the floor." he replied.

I shook my head. "No I'm not taking your bed."

"We can share." he blurted.

"Alright," I bit my lip. "That works."

"Alice, I'm here for you, you know that right?" Jasper asked.

I nodded. "I know."

He sat the tray across my stomach. "Eat. I don't want you to starve."

I sighed. "Fine."

*~*~*~*~*

A week later I was back in classes and acting relatively normal. Jasper had been sleeping on the couch despite his whole sharing the bed idea. Emma slept in the bed with me most nights but only when Jasper was working.

"How are you Miss Brandon?" My professor asked.

"I'm fine," I lied. "still sore."

"Oh," he replied. "well if you need more time on your paper that will be fine."

"No I'm great," I said pushing it. "I should have that in tomorrow morning."

"Alright. Have a nice day." he tipped his hat and left.

I hurried to Jasper's car where he was waiting. "I think my professor was flirting with me."

"Why's that?" Jasper asked pulling into traffic.

"Because…well I'm wrong. He tipped his hat. He's from Texas." I said texting Bella about it.

Jasper's grip tightened on the wheel. "That's nice. Do you want Chinese?"

"Sure," I said turning in my seat to smile at Emma who was chewing on her fingers-she'd just discovered them last week. "Hey Emma. Are you a good girl?"

She looked at me and smiled. "Awi."

I reached back and she grabbed hold of my finger. "Hey Em-Em. Want Auntie Ali to take you shopping?"

She giggled. "Awi."

We got back to the apartment and I sat in front of the TV watching Sesame Street with Emma while she played with my hair.

"Alice you don't have to take care of her." Jasper said sipping from a bottle.

"I'm fine. I love Emma to death so I can handle it." I smiled at him.

"As long as your okay." he said getting a big swig.

"Jasper what are you drinking?" I frowned.

"It's called beer, Alice." he glared at me.

"Jasper," I sighed. "what's wrong?"

"Let's see," he growled at me. "my girlfriend is in jail because she tried to kill you and succeeded in killing your baby. Emma is the light of my life and she isn't even mine. I have to live with you."

"I can leave." I whispered.

"Sounds good to me." he said.

I stood up. "Do you mind if I wait until your sober? I'm not saying you'll hurt Emma but it might be a good idea…"

"Fine. Get out of my face." he growled.

I picked Emma up and went to her room. "I'm sorry, Emma. Your daddy is a jerk."

"Awi." she sighed and fell asleep.

The next morning I called Rosalie and Emmett and they came and helped me move my bags.

They lived a few doors down so I could still see Emma if Jasper got over himself.

"So you can sleep in my room," Emmett grinned. "I stay in Rose's normally anyway."

"Okay," I said sitting my bags down in the bedroom. "umm I have a paper to turn in. Can one of you drive me to the school?"

"Sure," Rose said. "I'll go change."

*~*~*~*~*

**Okay guys. I know it was shorter than normal but I figured I should get it up before I get murdered. I've been busy so don't hurt me. I'm writing two new Naruto stories :D if you like Naruto then you'll love it. I'm also going to write a Vampire Knight story soon. Don't know when. Maybe when I get farther into the manga. I know you're all mad that there was no kissing or anything between Jasper and Alice but she just lost her baby and boyfriend. It ain't happening yet. **

**Reviews make me type faster. And you might get a kiss between Alice and Jasper next chapter for them :D**


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6: Forgiven

**Okay guys and gals I've not gotten reviews for last chapter *pouts* or don't think I did anyway. Maybe that's what I get for slacking. Anyway this chapter is set a year after the last. Or somewhere about that time length. I totally forgot last chapter to thank my beta **** sorry. So thanks Lexie. Also you'll have to forgive me for the delay. Other than me generally slacking I've had to go to two funerals in the last two weeks or it might have been up them. I self-beta'd this chapter so blame me not Lexie for the horribleness there might be.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight. But I do own a copy of the new Skillet CD Awake and a super cute pair of nerd glasses.**

*~*~*~*~*

A year ago if someone had told me that I would recover from my horrible funk of losing my baby and Jacob killing himself I would have laughed at them. Or glared. Whichever. But now I was able to function so long as I had my handy dandy anxiety medicine. I'd been able to move back into the apartment with Bella once we cleaned up the mess that I'd made. Rosalie's brother Dave was able to restore my laptop long enough for me to get my files off of it before it crashed again. I used some of the insurance money from the crash to get a new one but other than that it hadn't been touched. I was almost normal again.

"Bella," I said walking in the kitchen. "I have to work. You think you can drive me?" I hadn't bought a new car yet so I was stuck bumming rides.

"What time do you get off?" Bella replied.

"Six." I bit my lip.

"Do you think you can see if Angela can pick you up? I have to go to a late class."

"Sure." I called Angela who said she'd pick me up as long as I promised to read Umineko since I'd put it off for years now.

"I promise Angela." I sighed.

"Okay," she chirped. "BEN STOP THAT!"

I winced. "What's he doing?"

"Oh nothing. I'll see you at six." she hung up.

"Asian porn again?" Bella laughed.

"Probably." I shook my head as I pulled on my nurse shoes.

"Alright let me grab my keys." she said walking out of the kitchen.

I went back to my room and pulled on my scrubs and grabbed my purse.

Thirty minutes later-due to traffic-Bella dropped me off at the hospital.

I walked in and headed to the lockers to put my purse in mine and ran into Edward's dad Carlisle.

"Hi Alice," Carlisle smiled. "how are you feeling?"

"I'm great Dr. Cullen," I smiled back. "no breakdowns in a few months."

"That's wonderful," he smiled. "you and Bella need to come up to the house with Edward this weekend. Esme has missed you both."

"I'll try to. Bella said she was but I might have to baby sit for Jasper."

"Is he still trying to get custody?" he asked.

I nodded. "Yea. They're leaning towards him considering that half of Maria's family is on drugs and Emma's father doesn't want her. But Maria's mom is fighting pretty hard."

"We'll be praying." Carlisle smiled.

"Thank you, Dr. Cullen. I need to go clock in. See you later." I clocked in and started my shift.

After taking blood from ten screaming kids, five biting senior citizens, three normal people, two drug addicts later it was six and I clocked out. Angela was waiting outside and I hopped into her car.

"Hey sexy beast," I smiled buckling in. "was Ben looking at Asian porn again?"

Angela frowned. "Yes. I swear I'm gonna break up with him if he doesn't stop."

"You said that three years ago." I reminded her.

"Fine," she said. "I could never break up with him but it has to stop."

"Show him that there is better things out there." I suggested.

"And how is that?" she raised her eyebrow.

"Show him that you're better." I smirked.

"Oh. _Wonderful_ idea." she said sarcastically.

"But you are better than porn, Angela." I told her.

"Why is that?"

I smiled. "Because you're Beatrice The Golden."

She laughed. "Thanks Ali."

I leaned over and hugged her as she parked in front of mine and Bella's apartment. "Thanks for the ride Angela. You should come over for dinner next week. I'm cooking."

"Umm," she fumbled for an excuse. "Me and Ben are going to Forks all next week."

"Liar," I sighed. "I'm not really cooking. We'll go out to eat."

"Alright sounds good." she grinned.

I rolled my eyes and got out of the car.

*~*~*~*~*

I ended up at Jasper's Saturday to watch Emma while Jasper was at work. We had fun since Emma was learning to walk and would walk a few steps then fall and giggle.

"Come on Emma. Can you come to Aunt Ali?" I cooed from the couch.

She crawled over and stood up by pushing up on my knees. "Ali!"

I picked her up and kissed her cheek. "Emma what would you do without me?"

She shook her head. "No."

Jasper got home about six and I had dinner waiting for him.

"Thank you Alice. I'll take you home as soon as I'm done, alright?" Jasper asked digging into the pizza that I'd baked.

"Sure," I said sitting across from him. "so how have you been?"

"I'm fine," he said. "you?"

"I'm doing great…you have some sauce right there." I reached over and wiped it with my thumb, swiping his lips by accident.

He looked at me and I looked at him. "Alice."

I was in a trance, I thought he was going to kiss me but Emma started screaming in her highchair and the trance broke.

I coughed. "So umm," I said picking Emma up and made faces at her to make her laugh. "have you heard anything from your lawyer?"

"Yea. Do you think you can testify on my behalf next Wednesday?"

"Sure," I said reaching over and squeezed his wrist. "if I screw up I'll never forgive myself."

"You'll do fine." he promised.

I smiled. "So is Emma going with you?"

"Yea she'll be sitting with you or my mom one. If you don't mind." he replied.

"I can," I smiled. "let me check my schedule to see if I have to call in sick."

*~*~*~*~*

A week later I was sitting in the courtroom beside Jasper's mom. Emma was napping in my arms and I was trying not to freak out. Maria's mom was on the stand and spouting a bunch of crap that just made me mad.

"Jasper use to hit my daughter and would go off and sleep with his little slut Alice back there." she glared at me.

"And why do you think you should have custody of your granddaughter?" Maria's mom's lawyer asked her.

"Because Jasper is no blood relation. He has no right to her." she growled.

"I'm finished." the lawyer said sitting down.

"Mr. Jenks would you like to call someone to the stand?" the judge asked.

"Yes Ma'am," Jenks replied. "I'd like to call Mary Alice Brandon to the stand."

I stood up and handed Emma to Jasper's mom and went up to the stand. They swore me in and started asking me questions.

"Have you ever slept with Mr. Whitlock?" Mr. Jenks asked.

"No sir," I replied. "Jasper is just a really good friend who I've been helping out for awhile."

"Can you tell me why your fiancé committed suicide last year?" Maria's mom's lawyer asked a little while later.

"Maria crashed into me and my roommate Bella when I was around seven months pregnant and I miscarried. Jacob left me because he couldn't handle it and killed himself. His mother had died only a few months before." I replied.

At the end of the day Jasper won the case on the condition that he found a better apartment or moved in with his parents because Maria's mom had pictures of it. Truthfully it wasn't the best and Emma could get hurt but it was what Jasper could afford right now, he had been trying to get something better for a year now but it wasn't working out well.

"Jasper everything is going to be fine," I promised squeezing his arm. "I'm here."

"I know, Alice. Can we talk?" He asked.

I nodded and followed him down the hall. "What is it?"

"Alice move in with me." He said brokenly.

"What?" I asked in shock.

"I can't afford another apartment by myself. I'll need your help." He said.

I nodded in understanding. "Okay. I'll talk to Bella and tell her."

*~*~*~*~*

Jasper's Point Of View:

Alice held Emma in her arms, rocked her, smiling as I finished putting the crib together, and sat it upright.

"It's pretty." Alice commented.

I smiled and walked over kissing her forehead before I touched her belly, she was starting to get bigger now that she was around seven months pregnant. "I can't wait until our baby gets here."

She smiled and leaned up to kiss me. "Me either."

I gasped and sat straight up in my bed, drenched in sweat. "What the hell?" I mumbled to myself.

Alice walked in my room and sat on the bed beside me. "Are you okay? I heard you gasp in the other room."

I nodded. "Yea, I'm great. _Everything_ is great."

Alice snorted. "What's wrong? Did you have a nightmare?"

I narrowed my eyes, she had lived with Emma and I for a year and a half now, Emma was starting to get nightmares, and Alice always comforted my three-year-old daughter. "No. It was a good dream. Too good."

"Tell me about it." She suggested crawling under the covers.

I stared at her. "What are you doing?"

"I can't sleep. Do you mind?" She asked biting her lip.

"No. It's fine." I said lying down stock-still.

"Tell me about the dream." She urged.

I turned over to look at her but I looked behind her instead. "I dreamed about me and…a certain woman…she was pregnant with my child and holding Emma. It just shocked me."

When I did look at her, I saw pain trying to hide behind her eyes.

"Who was it?" She asked softly.

I moved a little closer and took her hand. "Why do you look so hurt?"

She shook her head. "Doesn't matter. Who was it?"

"That doesn't matter either, Alice."

She closed her eyes. "Okay."

"Alice do you ever wonder what it would have been like if I hadn't moved way back when?" I asked.

She opened her eyes and smiled softly. "Yea. You might not have been a jerk."

"We might have been together." I added.

She flinched. "I doubt that."

"Why?" I asked.

"Because, no matter what I think you and Maria were meant to be together. So that Emma would be here. I also think me and Jacob would have been married by now…" She stopped.

"Alice, Jacob is gone. I am sorry. You know this."

"In another world we'd be married." She whispered to herself.

*~*~*~*~*

Alice's Point Of View:

"In another world we'd be married." I whispered to Jasper. I think he thought I meant Jacob but I didn't.

Over the past year and a half, my feelings for Jasper had been growing and now he had apparently been having dreams of someone pregnant with his baby.

It just made it that much more obvious that my feelings were one-sided and I sighed.

"I'm going to try and get some rest, okay?" Jasper said.

I nodded. "Yea. You don't mind me being in here do you?"

"No. It's fine." He said.

Once I was sure he was asleep, I took a deep breath, scooted towards him, and kissed his nose before laying my head on his chest.

My breathing stopped when Jasper's arms went around me, trapping me.

"Alice." He sighed nuzzling into my hair.

"I love you Jasper." I said before falling asleep.

*~*~*~*~*

The next morning I got out up and went to my room to shower and then went to Emma's room and got her up.

"Morning Sunshine! The earth says hello!" I sang opening the curtains.

"Momma Ali!" She mumbled.

I smiled and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Hey sugar. Do you want pancakes?"

She bounced out of bed. "Come on Momma Ali!"

I laughed and followed her into the kitchen where Jasper was sitting, drinking coffee.

"Daddy!" Emma squealed and pounced him.

"Hey sweetie," He said sitting her on his lap. "Have you brushed your teeth yet?"

"Nope." She replied.

"I'm fixing pancakes. She can brush them after." I said shaking the tub that the batter was in.

"Alice she's my daughter." Jasper said in his angry calm voice.

I sighed. "I know. But I also know that there is no use in her brushing her teeth when she's just going to coat them in sugar."

"Daddy don't get mad at Momma Ali." Emma said curling up in his lap.

"Why do you insist on calling Alice that?" He sighed.

"Cause she is my momma." She replied.

"No sweetie, she isn't." He said gently.

"Uh huh!" She nodded.

I sat down beside them as I shook the tub. "Actually Emma, I'm not. I'm just here to help your daddy."

She started to cry. "But Momma Ali…"

I smiled gently. "You can call me Momma Ali if you want and your daddy doesn't mind. But I'm not your real mommy."

"Daddy…" She looked up at him pleadingly.

Jasper sighed. "Okay. It's fine with me."

"Alright now let's quit this sadness," I said hopping up. "It's Pancake Day. You can't be sad on Pancake Day."

Emma giggled and her brown eyes sparkled. "Okay. Can we watch Cinderella?"

Jasper kissed her hair. "No fair. I was hoping for Pocahontas."

"Okay!" She yelled and ran to her room with her curly red hair being the only part of the blur visible.

We just laughed and once the pancakes were on the skillet I went over to where Jasper was sitting.

"So what are you doing today?" He asked me.

I sat down on his lap. "Oh I guess we could send Emma to Aunt Bella's and I could do you."

He laughed and shoved me off gently. "You're _hilarious_."

I smirked and kissed his cheek. "Actually I'm going to the bookstore. I just finished that book by Jennifer Webster and I think I'm going to pick up the one by Neva Bryan."

"Alice…" He trailed off.

"What?" I asked sitting down.

"Alice I-" He was cut off by the little whirlwind named Emma jumping at him.

"DADDY! I SAW A SPIDER!" She said crying.

"I'll kill it." Jasper said.

"No daddy! It went out my window." She said.

"Okay Princess." he smiled at her.

"What were you going to say Jasper?" I asked flipping the pancakes.

"Oh I was going to say…that I wanted to borrow that book." He said.

"You know how to read?" I teased grinning at him.

"Emma attack." He joked.

Emma made a face. "Daddy be nice to Momma Ali."

After breakfast, I watched Pocahontas with Emma and Jasper and then went to the bookstore to pick up a few books for a few little storybooks and myself for Emma.

I smiled at the Little Bear book I had picked up in the used books section. I had had it when I was little but it was lost somewhere when I moved out of my dad's. I got it and Goldie Locks since she did not have them yet.

As I paid and was walking back to my car, I heard someone call my name.

"MARY ALICE BRANDON!"

I turned to see my mother-Caroline-huffing as she walked over.

Mom and I had a…interesting relationship. We were not close-at all. She was clingy and just annoyed me generally.

"Hi mom didn't see you there." I said unlocking the car.

"I was coming to see you but when I got to your apartment Bella said you moved out a year and a half ago." She stated.

I cringed. "Yea umm I didn't tell dad either. I'm living with Jasper. He was allowed to keep Emma but he had to get a better apartment. I moved in to help with rent."

"Well I'll just follow you home." She replied.

"Okay but mom…Emma calls me Momma Ali. So don't freak out. She isn't my daughter."

"I know. Claude told me that Jasper had a child." She said stiffly.

"Are you up here by yourself?" I asked shifting my weight from foot to foot.

"Your Aunt and Grandmother are with me." She replied.

"Oh," I nodded. "Well you all could just ride with me. It's kind of hard to keep up."

"Okay." She said walking over to the SUV like vehicle that belonged to my Grandmother.

"Hi Aunt Hailey." I said a moment later.

"Alice," She nodded at me. "You're living with a man?"

I looked down ashamed for the first time; they tended to make me feel like I was not good enough. "Yea. But not like that. He is just my friend. I'm only there to help with his daughter."

"Oh." She said clearly not pleased.

"Umm let me tell Jasper you're coming." I said opening my phone and hitting number one on my speed dial.

"Hello beautiful." Jasper said.

I rolled my eyes. "Hey butt face. Umm I just met up with my mom, Aunt, and Grandmother. They're coming home with me."

"Oh shit." Jasper said sounding way too much like Jake on Sweet Home Alabama for me to handle.

"Exactly. And you better not have said that in front of Emma because you yelled at me for accidentally saying frig in front of her and that isn't even a curse word." I said.

"She's down for her nap. Oh shit Alice!"

I sighed. "I know. Look I'll be there in…twenty minutes with traffic."

"Okay. I hate you right now."

I sighed. "I know."

I shut my phone and drove home with my Grandmother Margret shooting death glares at the back of my head.

"So are you and Jasper getting married?" Maw-Maw Margret asked.

I swerved a little. "No. Why would we get married?"

"You live together." She stated.

"I lived with Bella too. Am I supposed to marry her?" I asked.

"You weren't raising a child with Bella." She replied.

"I was pretty much going to," I said. "But I lost my baby. And I'm just helping."

"And then your boyfriend killed himself." She stated.

"You know what? I may have made mistakes and I might have lost everything important to me within a week but I do not need _you_ to bring it up. I'm still hurting." I pulled into the parking lot of my apartment building.

"Oh living with a man shows that." She muttered.

"Let's go in." I growled showing them upstairs.

Jasper was fidgeting on the couch and I leaned down and kissed his cheek. "Hey."

I smiled. "Hey."

"Oh not together." I heard Hailey mutter.

I stood to full height and Jasper stood beside me. "Well this is the house."

"Apartment." Maw-maw corrected.

"Whatever," I said. "Do you want anything to drink? We have water, Dr. Pepper, Tea…"

"Tea." They all said.

I went and poured a couple of glasses before I could hear Emma crying in her room.

"Oh God," I said. "Emma's crying." I sat down the glasses and ran in to see my little-correction Jasper's little angel crying in her sleep.

"No don't leave Momma!" She screamed in her sleep.

I ran to her side and shook her gently. "Emma wake up angel."

She opened her eyes and threw herself at me. "Don't leave me, momma!"

"I'm not going to baby." I rocked her.

"But I dreamed that you and daddy got in a fight and you said you didn't like us and left." She sobbed.

"Emma, baby girl, I love you and your daddy. I'm here, forever and always until you and your daddy want me gone." I cooed.

"Will you marry daddy?" She looked up at me.

I smiled gently. "Emma he doesn't love me like that. I would like nothing more than to be your momma for real but I can't be."

"Do you love him momma?" She asked.

I sighed; the girl was way too intelligent for a three year old. "I always have, baby. But it is not in the cards. I'm sorry."

I heard a gasp and looked at the door to see Jasper standing there with my family behind him. Busted.

"I have to go." I sat Emma down, ran down the hall to my room, and locked the door behind me.

Oh God. Jasper knew, he would know the real reason that I wanted to sleep in his bed last night and kick me out.

I broke down at the thought of not seeing Emma everyday. I guess it was a little stupid but I loved being called Momma and having Emma around was as if I had never lost my little girl.

Okay that is not true but it eased some of the pain.

Jasper. Oh God Jasper. I know, he is never going to be mine but I cannot help how I feel, you know? He was perfect. Tall, tan (God only knows how with this horrible weather), his curly blond hair, blue eyes…he was everything to me. When we had been kids, I had punched Angela over him on the school bus because I thought she was stealing him-we had not been friends at the time-because I loved him so much even then.

"Can you drive us to Barnes and Noble? That's where we're parked." I heard my mom say in the hall.

"Sure." Dumbstruck sounding Jasper said.

"Daddy is I going?" Emma asked loudly.

"Yes." He answered quickly.

There was a knock on my door.

"Momma Ali me and daddy are gone we be back soon. I love you." Emma called.

"I love you too Emma." I called back hoarsely.

As soon as I knew they were gone, I grabbed a bag and threw random clothes and other essentials in it. Ready to be gone before they were back.

I went to the kitchen with the bag and my purse on my shoulder and wrote a note.

_Jasper, _

_I am sorry. I know my feelings are not returned and that you will want me to leave so I am saving you the time. Tell Emma I am sorry that I did not lie to her that I am only leaving to save you the time of kicking me out. Do not look for me, Jasper. Do not call or text. Do not Facebook me either. I love you. With all my heart and soul I do. Not just for the reasons I never understood myself when we were only kids but because you kept me grounded when I was falling apart, for being there. For allowing me to have part in Emma's life for the past three years. She is such a special little girl and I am happy to have had the time I did with her. Tell her I love her and that I will write when she is older. I know right now there is only one thing that will get me through this and I left my Bible and I would like you to read this to Emma if she is upset. Philippians 4:13. I love you. _

_Goodbye._

As I lay, the note on the table the door opened and Jasper and Emma came in.

"Momma!" Emma ran towards me before seeing the bag and stopping.

"Alice I-." Jasper began.

I shook my head and cut him off. "I'm leaving Jasper. I will send Bella for what is left. I left a note. Read it when I'm gone."

He looked like I had just shot him. "Alice don't."

I just closed my eyes and hurried past him and down to my car and left.

I did not get far, just to the interstate back to Forks, before I pulled over because the tears were beginning to blur my vision.

Jasper's Point Of View:

Emma rolled over in my bed crying. "Daddy why did Momma leave?"

I choked on the tears I was struggling to keep at bay. "I don't know, baby. Let's go to sleep now."

"Daddy why are you the only one who loves me?" She asked.

"What do you mean?" I asked sitting up.

She crawled in my lap. "My real momma doesn't love me. Momma Ali left me. Daddy you is the only one who don't leave me."

I sighed and hugged my little angel a bit tighter. "Momma Ali does love you Emma."

"But-"

I stopped her. "Emma I know that you don't feel like she does but she does. I promise you. She left because of me. She wants to be here with you."

She just started crying harder and soaking my pajama shirt.

"Emma she wants you to hear this verse." I grabbed Alice's Bible that had ended up in my room at some point and looked up the verse Alice had told me to read to her. She did not know how much it would help me too though.

"Okay." She whispered through her tears.

I cleared my throat. "It says '_I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me._'"

"Okay, daddy." She said.

Emma eventually fell asleep and I snuck out of my room and into Alice's.

Her sheets still smelt like her so I crawled into her bed and inhaled.

I found a diary in her drawer and the key beside it. Not her best idea.

_December 18_

_Dear Diary, _

_I moved in with Jasper a few weeks ago and already I feel like my heart is going to break. Wait it did that a long time ago. Jasper is so perfect and I know that no matter what I do in my life I would never be good enough. I will never be good enough. Emma is the cutest little angel I have ever seen or heard of. I cannot help but think about how Gracie should have been here for Christmas this year and been able to be friends with Emma. They would have loved each other, I am sure. Jacob and I would have been married by now. We could have been so happy. I would not be suffering over Jasper. However, I guess that this is good in a way. Maybe living with him and seeing all his disgusting habits-he leaves the lid up and leaves half-empty glasses sitting ew-will cure me of this stupid love for him. _

I started crying. Yes, most of the time I would have been tough and manly as Alice would put it but I loved this woman with everything in me and I had been too stupid to tell her.

I had tried to tell her today actually. But when I got confidence Emma came in and I thought it would be a bad idea to let myself get hit in front of my daughter. Then I had plans to ask her if she would go to dinner with me-just the two of us while Emma stayed with Bella who knew my plans-when she got home but I had gotten the call that her mother was with her. I had even been building up to asking by calling her beautiful. She wrote it off as a joke I suppose but I loved Alice. More than I had ever loved anyone else other than my daughter.

My phone buzzed and I grabbed it only to find a text from Edward.

_Hey, man. I suckered information out of Bella. Alice is in Forks at her dad's. She is not doing well at all. Bella is on her way there now to pry a razor out of her hands._

I ran to my room, pulled on real clothes, and picked Emma up.

"We're going to get your momma." I said getting a few things into a bag and carried her to the car.

I drove through the night and finally got to Alice's dad's house and knocked.

A tired, sad looking big guy opened the door. "What do you want?" He suddenly added angry to his face when he saw me.

"Alice." I replied.

He sighed. "Jasper…she's gone."

Emma was crying beside me. "Momma left me again?"

Claude shook his head. "No. Bella came and got her. Umm Jasper I don't think you want Emma to hear this."

I covered her ears. "Go ahead."

"Bella took her to a hospital. She had sliced her arms up bad but had missed her arteries; Bella took her to the hospital and said you would show up here. You can leave Emma…she doesn't need to see how bad this is."

I nodded and bent to Emma's level. "Emma you're going to stay with Claude until I get your momma, okay? I love you."

She hugged me. "I love you daddy."

I drove to Forks Hospital and found Bella pacing just outside the Emergency Room.

"Where is she?" I demanded.

Bella smirked. "I knew you'd be here soon."

I growled. "Where is she, Bella?"

She sighed. "They're sewing her up. Keeping her under surveillance for a few days…"

I did not let her finish because I was already in the hospital and had spotted Alice.

"Mary Alice Brandon." I growled walking over.

Alice looked up from the stitches they were putting in her arm. "I told you not to look for me."

"I didn't. I was told where you were. There is a difference." I said.

She frowned. "I need to learn how to avoid loopholes."

The doctor frowned at her as he finished sewing her up. "You were lucky, Miss Brandon. If you had been a few more centimeters…" he trailed off and walked away.

Alice looked at me with the tiniest hope sparkling in her eyes before it was gone and she closed them. "Leave Jasper."

"No." I growled at her.

Her eyes snapped open. "How dare-"

I cut her off. "Alice I could hit you for what you did to me yesterday. Leaving without much of an explanation. And no the fucking note doesn't count. Emma can't read. She thought I made up what it said."

"Leave." She whispered.

"Emma cried all yesterday. She said that I was the only one that loved her because everybody else leaves. She doesn't remember it but she knows Maria abandoned her. Now you did too. She's heartbroken. You're selfish."

She flinched away from me. "I'm not selfish. I left for you."

I grabbed onto her arms forgetting about her stitches. "Left for me? Why couldn't you have fucking stayed for me?"

Alice's Point Of View:

"Left for me? Why couldn't you have fucking stayed for me?" The pain in my arms was forgotten with those words. I was so confused. He only meant so that Emma wouldn't be hurt…right?

"It wouldn't have been fair to me, Jasper. Staying in a home where only one of the two people wanted me around. I love Emma but I couldn't…it hurt too much for too long. I'm sorry."

"Only one person wanting you…" He whispered shaking his head. "you're oblivious aren't you?"

"What?" I asked.

"I love you Alice. I have for a long time. It was you I dreamed about. You have no idea how much I've wanted you since…forever. But by the time I was ready to admit that and to stop being a douche you had Jacob and you were happy. When you lost Gracie and Jacob I knew that nothing I could give you would compare to them. I'm not good enough for you Alice. I never will be. But please come home."

I shrank away from him a little. "Where do you get off trying to make me think any of that shit is true? Do you just want to hurt me that much more? You really are a jerk."

His lips were on mine then. It wasn't gentle but angry. But somehow all the love he felt for me converted into that kiss.

"Oh God." I said when he let me loose.

"Mary Alice Brandon….will you go out with me?"

**Yes, yes, I am evil. Seventeen pages and that's what you get as an ending. *heart* you all. Stay tuned for the next chapter. Oh and updates are going to get even further apart. SOL's (meaning Standard of Learning according to Virginia but really I think that is their way of saying "I hope you fail.") are coming up and I'm hopefully *fingers crossed* getting a job.**


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